Shadow Work & the New Moon:
A Path to Personal and Collective Peace
The new moon is here and it is once again a symbolic shift to allow ourselves to start fresh, and with the moon in Scorpio, this sign calls for unveiling hidden truths, death, rebirth and transformation.
I missed my full moon entry as I have been venturing through my own version of the underworld, unwrapping the hidden origins to my own cyclic triggers that have plagued me for a long time.
You may be thinking what in the world does that even mean? So I am here to share a bit more on what it means to me to “do the work”, in particular shadow work.
Maybe this isn’t a phrase you are familiar with, though it’s become popular amongst the spiritual and self healing communities. Now whether or not people in those communities are doing the work or not, I have no real idea. All I can speak for is myself and how I am interpreting this opportunity for growth and transformation.
Shadow work—the practice of uncovering and integrating the hidden parts of ourselves—may be the most vital work we can do for both personal liberation and collective peace, and the new moon offers us the perfect container to begin.
For anyone new to the term, shadow work is the psychological practice of bringing our unconscious patterns—the rage we've suppressed, the needs we've denied, the parts of ourselves we've rejected as 'unacceptable' or shameful—into conscious awareness. Only by seeing these hidden aspects can we integrate them instead of being controlled by them.
The Many Homes I've Made: A Journey Through Mirroring
For years, I moved through different places and communities with ease, adapting like a chameleon to each new environment, believing this flexibility was a strength—and in some ways, it was.
It is only now that I have come to realize that this is because I have a home within myself. You can pick me up and place me just about anywhere and I will manage to find the common ground with the community I’m in. It is not that I lose a sense of who I am, it is simply that I am great at mirroring those around me and recognizing where we connect, our common ground.
As I describe in my book, God is Like the Sun, I believe we are all interconnected beings and that when we are with others, we mirror facets of one another, being the multifaceted creatures we are.
But what I didn't realize until recently was the cost of all that mirroring: every time I adapted to belong, I pushed parts of myself deeper into shadow. The aspects that didn't fit—the needs that seemed inconvenient, the anger that felt unacceptable, the desires that might threaten connection—I learned to bury rather than risk rejection.
The more people I continue to meet, the more I realize that not everyone has taken the time to contemplate their own inner world, complexities, and multiple archetypes that live through us. Even with awareness, many of them go hidden beneath the surface of our conscious mind, in the shadows.
The Mirror Cracks: Divorce as Initiation
It wasn't until I made the decision to divorce that the mirror I'd been holding up to the world shattered, revealing the parts of myself I'd kept hidden in the depths, terrified of what would happen if they saw daylight. (Motherhood did this too but in different ways that I will explore another time).
Even though I’ve always been willing to put up a fight for what I believed in, my desire to be accepted had always been stronger and this was unconscious in me until I became aware that who others thought I was, was going to change when I made this life altering decision, affecting not only myself and my at the time husband, but our children too. A deep internal shame swelled up inside me and ballooned around my entire being. I was so afraid of being seen as selfish in a world that expects mothers to be selfless, that I turned into a million grains of sand and began to disintegrate, desperately trying to see where do I fit in, where do I matter in all this when I know my choice is going to hurt others?
Walking Through the Valley: Rejection and the Single Mother Shadow
Becoming a single mother meant facing a shadow I hadn't known existed—the deep, primal fear of rejection and the judgement that society places on women who choose themselves over keeping a family together.
The narratives around family values that surrounded me and whole families versus broken families, plus coming from a large family where divorce was pretty much unheard of, I began to break at the ideas of being the deciding factor to choose this “broken life”. Now of course I have come to terms that this indeed is not a broken life but no matter, at the time it turned me inside out.
What shamed me most was knowing I would cause pain to the people I loved most, especially my children. This was agony, but I also knew that ignoring my own pain was doing no service to myself nor my children. How could I be the best version of myself if I continued to live a hollow life? What example would I be giving? This was the question that finally cracked me open: What if the shadow I needed to integrate wasn't my selfishness, but my inability to honor my own needs without shame?
Our Children, Our Mirrors: Why Parents May Need Shadow Work Most
As much as I am here to facilitate and help my children navigate their lives into adulthood, they are also here to teach me.
Our children become our greatest teachers not because they bring out the best in us, which they of course can do, but because they fearlessly expose what we've buried—and triggers are not meant to be obstacles but invitations to go deeper if you know how to see this as an opportunity.
Nine years deep into my parenting journey I have come to realize that the most unwanted behaviors from my children are often my own ugly behaviors amplified times one hundred.
This is a prime example of recognizing where shadow work is needed. What are my own behaviors lurking in the shadows of my unconscious that are now being mirrored back to me?
As I've come to realize this, I do my best to be conscious when I am feeling extra annoyed, upset, or angry, and instead of reacting, pause to see what unmet need exists here and how I can use this as an opportunity for connection.
Recently at bedtime, exhausted and desperate for sleep, I yelled at my children to be quiet—wanting silence by creating noise. When they called me out, I acknowledged the pattern my shadow work had revealed: when I feel hurt, I protect myself by getting mean. In that moment, I felt they didn't care about my exhaustion, which made me sad, so I lashed out. It was the perfect opportunity to recognize my shadow and repair the rupture in front of them.
Descending with a Guide: My Recent Shadow Work Journey
About six weeks ago I decided to join a course on alchemy, with the specific intention of turning my triggers into gold, turning what feels like an inescapable nightmare into a light journey called life. I wrote about this when I first started a few weeks ago here. This has been an intense time and I am excited to share with you what I’ve learned and how having a guide has helped immensely from previous journeys into my own shadow realms.
As you can see I am far from perfection when it comes to being a parent, however since that last post I can confidently say that there is a restoration to peace in this house and for most of the time I believe we are all feeling comfortable and at ease with one another. It is a beautiful place to be.
As for the other situation that I signed up for, the triggering conflicts of relationship with their father, that has also mellowed out quite a bit and it is in part because of this work and also circumstances.
Overall the work to transform what feels like a nightmare into lightness or dare I even say gold, has been an honest effort to explore my triggers in romantic relationships in general and see where patterns have emerged that have led to heartache, pain and deception in every single one.
Practical Magic: Tools for Your Own Shadow Journey
I am going to lay out an overview of how this journey has been thus far for myself and how you can do it too - if you care to unveil some hidden truths that are buried inside of you.
Shadow work doesn't require special tools or training—it requires only willingness, honesty, and a commitment to meeting yourself exactly as you are. I recommend doing this with someone you trust. Having a witness to do this work with has been a vital component to my growth and success.
Step 1: Identify your triggers
In my case this has been easy. When do I feel hurt or angry because of the actions of another?
Step 2: Write them down
Step 3: Observe from a detached point of view.
Here we are to witness our triggered selves compassionately and without judgement the way a therapist or friend may do. Now when I tried this, I discovered a harsh internal voice that immediately shamed me for feeling hurt and this has been my most difficult part of the journey.
In order to truly see oneself, one’s shadow archetype that has been hidden in the darkness of their own psyche, one must allow them to step out into the light. They are hiding for a reason!
This step was my crucial moment of recognition.
I realized that when I would feel hurt or upset by something, another aspect of myself would immediately step in and scold me, patronize me, call me pathetic for having these feelings, I should just get over it and move on and let it go, and how stupid of me to care.
Wow! How many years have I been doing this? My whole life!? And it’s gone unconscious all this time. Looking back I can clearly hear this voice in so many situations where I have been truly deeply wounded and I have forced myself to shake it off and push down the pain into that subterranean shadowland that exists in all of us.
For the first time ever I was encouraged not to do this. How could I possibly invite that wounded and sad part of myself out into the light if I immediately shamed her? How could I converse with her - yes we are talking to ourselves in different voices and naming different aspects of ourselves here, it is necessary for this work to be completed - and figure out what she needed if I screamed every time she tried to ask for help?
As I type this out in real time I am drawing the connection from what I said to my children to what I have done to myself. When feeling hurt, in order to protect, I get angry. Even at myself.
Step 4: Give your observant voice who watches without judgement a name & give your triggered self another name.
Step 5: Allow these two to converse with one another and write down their conversations. Have the observer ask the triggered self questions about why they feel the way they do, what they want, what they need, what would they do if there were no consequences to their behavior, (here’s where the meaty stuff starts to come out of the shadows) what story does the triggered self tell themselves about the triggers and what fear or desire is driving this need or wound that continues on and on?
Step 6: After this conversation and journaling session, allow for the observer part of yourself, without judgement to compassionately and gently analyze the answers and help the self figure out how bringing these truths to light can result in a resolution or evolution of the triggers whose roots where buried beneath the surface.
I know this is a lot of information and may not be your cup of tea, though I highly recommend it. I am no expert but I am happy to discuss this process if anyone would like to chat about it, send me a message.
Through this process, I have come to see that my personal triggers aren't just personal—they are threads connecting me to larger patterns of projection and denial that shape our collective world.
Conclusion: As Within, So Without—The Collective Shadow
Shadow is not an aberration but part of our nature—it exists in the literal shadows cast by light, on this new moon tonight, and it will continue to exist within us until we choose integration over denial.
Just as death is a natural part of our cyclical nature, shadows are too. And just like new life comes after death, spring after winter, new life also emerges from the dark—birth from the womb, seeds from under the soil.
When we refuse to acknowledge our own shadows, we project them onto others. The rage I won't own in myself, I see in my "aggressive" coworker. The neediness I've buried, I judge in my "clingy" friend. The greed I deny, I rage against in "those people."
Now scale this up: The vulnerability we suppress in ourselves becomes the "weak" political opponent we must crush. The grief we can't face becomes the "emotional" marginalized group we dismiss. Shadow work doesn't just heal individuals—it dismantles the psychological machinery of othering that makes violence possible.
This doesn't mean shadow work alone will end war—material conditions, power structures, and historical trauma all play crucial roles. But I believe our collective inability to face what we've buried is a larger factor than we admit. When entire cultures suppress certain emotions or qualities (vulnerability in men, anger in women), those shadows don't disappear—they erupt in our politics, our policies, our capacity for dehumanization.
I cannot transform global leaders or dismantle systems alone. But I can do this work within myself, within my family, within my community. And perhaps that's exactly where collective change begins—not from the top down, but from the inside out, one integrated shadow at a time.
If we each brought even a fraction of our shadows to light, if we stopped projecting our disowned parts onto others and recognized them as our own, we would fundamentally shift how we relate to difference, to conflict, to power itself. There is no peace in our outer world until we cultivate peace within ourselves. There is no collective awareness until individuals become aware of their unconscious.
Final Call to Action: If Not Now, When?
The new moon represents the darkest night—the moment when we can't see by reflected light and must navigate by feeling. This darkness isn't absence but potential. Just as seeds germinate underground and life gestates in the womb, shadow work asks us to trust what we discover in the unseen parts of ourselves. This new moon in Scorpio asks us the question we've been avoiding: if not now, when will you finally meet yourself in the dark?
When enough individuals integrate their shadows, we collectively become less susceptible to demagogues who weaponize our projections. We create different cultures, different communities, different possibilities.
I invite you to begin your own shadow work journey during this next lunar cycle. It is challenging work, and it is a process that may need to be repeated multiple times in one’s lifetime, but the reward is great. When you can bring to light aspects of your own self that have been hiding in the dark, you can integrate those once hidden pieces and bring about wholeness and peace within yourself. I’m not sure if there’s a greater medicine to this world and every living being than becoming whole, accepting and loving yourself fully.
Remember, everything you need, all the answers you could ever hope for, are already inside of you. This new moon I’ll be learning from my own darkness, I hope you’ll join me.